i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
