cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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