woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
