We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
