Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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