Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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