Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
