I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
