so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
