@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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