Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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