Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What drink are we having for lunch?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
