Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
