Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
