I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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