He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
