what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dignity is for republicans.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
