yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
