I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
