why didn't you poke me back
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
