Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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