I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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