u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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