Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
