Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
