when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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