It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
