I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
