Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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