Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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