Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
