I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
