the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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