thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
