So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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