PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
