Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
