I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
