I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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