i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
