If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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