i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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