Need sex. Gaining weight.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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