Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
