Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
