So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
