I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
