I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
