I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
