Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
