Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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