this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
