I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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