i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
