why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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