dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm at about main and main street
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
