i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
