the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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