Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
