Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
