Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
