Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
