How'd it feel making her break her religion?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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