Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
