ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Walk of Shame today included voting.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
