the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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