hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
