dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
