i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry about my life...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
