You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
