is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
