I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
