I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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